“Musky Buns”

A short story I’ve created for a “Just for laughs competition.”

The story is based on the concept of an A.I. (Artificial Intelligence.)

The damn coffee had gone cold by the time he’d gotten down. The SX-20 hit high heat, and it came back out smoking in seconds. Elon sat back down at the table and couldn’t help but smile, boy he loved his gizmos.
His neighbors and friends all thought he was a bit wacky due to his eccentricity, the fact that he was hitting almost seventy but still skated around the block in his underpants wearing the new VR goggles. He couldn’t help it though. Growing up his family had been pretty poor and the hours he’d spent hacking away at engineering and coding his projects had been his only escape from it all.

Sitting there now, looking at all of the things he’d given life to he couldn’t help but feel proud, proud he’d given humanity the gift of intelligent robotic beings and systems self-manageable, proud of every little thing he’d created. Every little-

“Hey honey, you sleep ok?”

Except her that was. Elon stared at her over the cup as she entered the kitchen. Elon Musk was not a man that hated things, but if there was one thing he hated it was his … wife.

“Did you see the new neighbours across the way? The Chaucer’s I believe they’re called. We should blah blah blah blah, blah blag bah, blah bag bah bah.

He thought about hitting her with the coffee cup, but what would that solve. Just waste a good cup of coffee is all. No, a mind like his could find a way to solve this situation. Solve it good.

“And they have a cute little terrier too, have one of those little pink dresses you put them in, can you believe it?!”

Elon stood up, put the cup in the Vacuum Sitex and scratched his beard. It was getting long now. How he hated his beard, but not as much as…

“And the market has shot up by 17%, can you believe it? You were right about them self-sustaining cerebrum tanks, why didn’t you get into that by the way? You really let your focus slip Musky buns, why that Steve Jobs had the right idea in mind when he froze his genetic material and pre-developed the blueprints for the system, that’s a genius right there, a genius!”

Elon’s hand slowly dropped to the sharp object on the counter, he’d had enough of her. 
“And don’t get me started on the Gates twins, why did you see the new super complex on Mars? That should have been you Musky buns, but look at them now!” 
The tip slowly bit into the hole, releasing the high pitched noise, pleasingly like the sound of pain Elon thought. He held the screwdriver there, not letting off for a moment. She vibrated, twitched, but there was no getting away now. Ten more seconds and then her system would be wiped. Thank hell he’d never gotten married; imagine having to listen to this every day, how would you ever get anything done?

“System Restore complete.”

“Gooood, now go clean up.”

“Yes Elon.”

The Sheila Bot 2600 stood up and went back to work. Elon looked around for his underpants, found them drying over the toaster. Putting them on, he grabbed his skateboard and the VR goggles and left to go reign havoc on the neighbours.

Perhaps the Trumps today.

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